It’s time. You have grieved enough, spent time rediscovering yourself, gained confidence, and feel ready to jump into the world of dating. Dating after divorce in your 30’s can be a fun time!
In your 30’s you are more established as a person. In many cases, people are settled in their careers and know who they truly are. Therefore, this is the right time and age to begin looking for love. By meeting a variety of people, you can determine what it is that you are looking for.
So get ready to meet your match and have fun with it! Here are 10 tips for dating after divorce in your 30’s.
Don’t stress about your age!
Many people worry that once they turn 30, they are past their “expiry” date. Sadly, this horrible thought permeates the brains of many women around the world. But this is NOT the truth! In fact, for many people being in their 30’s is the best time of all.
Why do we say this? Well, first, you are established as a person. You know who you are, what you want, and you have gained life experience. With a divorce behind you, you know exactly what to look for in a partner and will be able to spot the “bad” ones a mile away.
Your career may also be well established, which means whoever you meet can have similar goals to you.
In your 20’s you might make the wrong choices because you don’t honestly know who you are yet, or where you want to be.
The older you are, the wiser you become. And the more confident you are in yourself, the sexier you become.
Know what you want
When it comes to what you want in a partner, think about which values are important to you. Would you like to meet someone kind, smart, funny, financially stable, or relaxed? Often you might want to date someone completely different from your ex. Don’t focus on a type but be open to meeting new people. You never know who you might meet, and if you focus on shared goals and values, your dating pool widens.
A good idea would be to write down 5 values that you really want in a partner and then 5 traits you don’t want. This can help you identify what is important to you and help you attract singles who share the same values as you.
Don’t play games
If you have heard of “dating rules,” it’s time to ditch them. Don’t play games. You are an adult, and if you like someone, let them know. You don’t have to wait for three days to call someone after a date, or only text them if they text you first.
Just be yourself and allow the relationship to grow naturally. If you are genuinely yourself around someone, you will attract a person who likes the real you. By pretending to be something you’re not, you will attract the wrong kind of person, and it will stop you from having a meaningful connection.
If you try online dating, stay safe
Online dating can be a fun way to meet people, but the only problem is that you don’t always know who is on the other side. You might have images of “Catfish” running through your mind.
Always stay safe. If your online interest wants to meet, take a friend with you, or meet them in a public place. Let your friends and family know where you are if you decide to go out on a date.
Try offline dating
You can meet new people anywhere! Join the gym, go to church, have coffee at your favorite cafe, go to family barbeques. Many times people get asked on dates when they are out and about.
If a friend tells you about someone they think might be perfect for you, why not meet them? Blind dates can be awkward, but if you all go out together in a group, it makes the experience more natural, and it takes the pressure off.
The trick is to meet many new people. You might not initially have the intention of dating, and that’s a good thing, as this allows you to get to know other people from a distance.
Be honest with yourself and your date
What is your reason for dating? Do you want to get re-married? Have kids? Or are you just dating for the fun of it? When it comes to dating after a divorce, you need to be honest with yourself and with your date.
This will save you future heartache if the person you are interested in doesn’t want a serious relationship. Or perhaps if you don’t feel ready to commit, you can also spare the other person from heartache.
You don’t have to mention marriage on the first date (this could scare the person off). But if you do go on more dates, ask your date what their intentions are and what they would like for the future.
Trust your gut
If your intuition tells you that someone isn’t right for you, move on. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t make you feel happy. There is no reason to try to make a relationship work if you are not feeling it.
You have been there, done that, and gotten the divorce certificate. Date someone who makes you feel good and happy. If there is a little voice lurking about in your head, listen to it. Often our gut feelings are correct.
Communication is key
Open communication is crucial at any age. Be open with the people you are dating. Let them know that you came out of a divorce. You don’t have to bare all on the first date, but as time allows, you can open up about yourself when you feel ready.
Some self-help books suggest waiting 3 months or so before you bare your soul. You might also see this as playing games, but be sure that you are comfortable first before going into in-depth detail about your past.
Don’t jump into bed with someone too quickly
Before you become intimate with someone sexually, wait a while first. Sex complicates relationships, so wait until you feel completely ready. Don’t have multiple sexual partners either, as this could weaken your self-esteem and cloud your judgment.
If someone really wants you, they will be willing to wait.
Read books on dating
Self-help books on dating can actually add value to your life. Some of these books allow you to look into yourself and help you move forward. You might also find different tips from various sources, which can help you have a positive dating experience after your divorce.
Starting over after divorce in your 30s might seem like a challenge, but in fact, it’s a blessing. Maturity, life experience, and confidence in yourself will give you the skills to find your match. Have fun, meet many different people, and stick to what makes you feel happy.