From childhood, men are instructed on the need to uphold standards of masculinity, brutality, and self-control. At the same time, a deliberate refusal to show emotions can subsequently lead to nervous breakdowns, heart attacks and strokes, warns psychologist Elena Novoselova. About this, she said in the RTVI program “We must talk”.
“In everyday life, we never heard the phrase: ‘Yes, be a woman!’ become a man! Yes, be a man! Let’s act like a man!” That is, there is a kind of bar all the time – who is this man, how should he be like a man, how to become this very man? This idea falls on all male life, a man must always correspond to someone or something,” she said.
At the same time, what exactly a man should be is “completely incomprehensible”, and this is “male drama”, the expert believes. Male brutality, according to her, is not simulated at all, but stems from the storehouse of personality, the denial of emotions and attitudes – “men never cry”, “the boy himself must solve his problems”.
Moreover, according to pediatricians, up to the age of seven, boys can be much more emotional than girls, but by the age of 16, according to studies, the situation changes to the opposite. Thus, concludes the psychologist, “society does not really allow men to be themselves, to also show their personality and their emotions”.
“Classically, all the emotions that are hidden inside and do not show through in any way are the path of neurosis. That is, we get boys who at a certain age are already quite severely neurotic, although they are only teenagers – their whole life is still ahead of them, ”says Novoselova.
Even though the boy is brought up differently in the family, it is said that all problems can be solved through conversations and compromises, then at school he “always comes into contact with the world which forces him to show masculinity”, then he demands the same from the young man and his partner, explains the psychologist. Suddenly, between the warehouse of characters and the requirements of the environment, “gaps occur” and “the story of crises begins”.
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