In childhood, it is useful to send boys to sections related to self-defense and physical training, as this can positively affect the self-esteem of the child and give him confidence in the future . About this in the RTVI program “We need to talk” said psychologist Elena Novoselova. According to her, a confident young man can later “apply his fighting qualities in negotiations”.
As the psychologist notes, the choice of what to teach the child – to negotiate or to fight – certainly rests on the shoulders of the parents. For example, there are families in which it is customary to solve all problems exclusively by aggression, and calls to change the approach to education will make absolutely no sense.
On the other hand, in a family, a child may be “inspired that all problems can be solved through conversation and compromise”, while at school or in his relationship with a partner, on the contrary, they will require “active masculinity and brutality”. which can subsequently lead to various “male birth crises”.
However, when it comes to teaching a boy to fight, it usually means some kind of sport or physical training under the supervision of a trainer, explains the specialist. Parents “should pay attention” to this in their upbringing, because through such training the boy learns “to realize his strength.”
“What is it for a man to be aware of his strength? Every man has a winner’s complex – a phallic complex, and this complex must be based on something: if there is a certain way for this potential to develop – I am a winner, I know my power and what I can do, then the complex “what if it won’t work”. Identification will be a little easier, and he will show his qualities as a fair fighter during negotiations, because there will be confidence and calm, ”explains the psychologist.
However, Novoselova draws attention to the fact that, despite a certain male code of honor and the attitude that a man is a protector, it is still important to understand “from whom and what” he has to defend himself. As the expert notes, it’s one thing to put a boor in place, another thing is how to behave when five robbers with a knife approach you? “The dilemma itself is terrible in my opinion,” she says.
According to the psychologist, a lot also depends on the environment in which a person finds himself, and combat skills can be not only useless, but also harmful, compared to the ability to conduct a dialogue or discussion. However, she concludes, “it all depends on how a person sees their path and how those who educate them see that path.”
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