Often women (even when they are still very young) hear from others: “You are a girl, you should…” (and then follows a long list of points – be gentle / dream of marriage and motherhood / always remain attractive / be a good housewife / take an interest in outfits – underline if necessary). The view that a woman should look and behave a certain way is often held not only by men, but also by women themselves.
But times are changing. Some of them might not think of themselves as mothers. Someone is seriously engaged in science or hard physical labor. Someone prefers comfortable overalls and sneakers to dresses and stiletto sandals. Women become different. And the pressure exerted on them by others continues. How to resist it, to save oneself? And what is the nature of gender stereotypes? Experts say.
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“Stereotypes appeared in society for a reason. From an evolutionary point of view, they helped to structure society, to make decisions quickly, to simplify, to control through the creation of an understandable system. L The downside was that old stereotypes didn’t fit modern realities at all and didn’t have time to change as fast as society Changing stereotypes is a major change that takes time and patience.
For women who want to resist existing stereotypes, you can pay attention to 2 aspects: external and internal. In psychology, this is called the locus of control. To be successful and happy, he must be both outward and inward oriented. At the same time, the balance can shift a little one way or the other, depending on the situation,” coach Anastasia Bloom points out. But even when a woman finds harmony with herself and with the world, public pressure on her can continue.
Gender inequality
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“From the outside, of course, it’s important to us what other people think of us. It allows us to integrate into society, to be accepted, to be appreciated, to feel supported and protected. Taking into account the opinions of others is important and necessary. And then the question arises, who do we surround ourselves with? “People who adhere to stereotypes that have not worked for a long time, or people who believe in your potential and want you to realize it? ” says Anastasia. It is important to analyze your environment and either stop communicating with those who dictate the rules of life to you, or stop paying attention to their words. Both require determination.
“Duty creates an illusory evaluator who takes responsibility for evaluating your actions. Determines what is right and what is wrong. That is one of the contributing factors to this distortion – fear of responsibility. To deal with the onslaught of social pressure, you need to put yourself forward and identify life priorities.
For example, you can make a list:
1. What should I do according to the opinion of others;
2. What I should in my opinion, ”recommends psychologist Ekaterina Vasilyeva.
Such a list can help to determine the area of one’s own responsibility for one’s fate, to separate one’s own ideas about a happy life from those of others.
The right to be yourself
Because many behavioral stereotypes are imposed on girls from childhood, it can be difficult for them, even in adulthood, to understand each other. Separate your own interests from what your mother once forced you to do or what your friends introduced you to. It is very easy to get lost in stereotypes. Tatyana Fedorova, a businesswoman, shares the story of “finding herself”:
“All my real childhood thoughts are of becoming a Snow Maiden! Yes, it’s a girl in a white fur coat with a muff, hat and boots. And I was sure if I was in those clothes, well, everyone would love me!
The girl is embarrassed
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At school, dreams changed, Cinderella appeared. And no, I didn’t dream of becoming Cinderella, I was her. I walked through the forest, picked berries with my grandmother, carried water with a yoke, washed the floors, peeled potatoes – my thoughts were “Here the groom will see me – he will be proud of me and will definitely choose me!”
She got married early and… Cinderella moved into an apartment: she washes the dishes, gives birth to children, feeds, cares for, cares for, the back gets stronger, and there is less and less joy. …
I adapted to the desires, preferences, requests of others, and I had less and less strength and patience, and I started to scream and cry more often. At 40, I cried sobbing! My children and my husband couldn’t hear me, my friends didn’t understand and my partners were afraid. I was out of control and couldn’t handle myself.
What was wrong? After all, that’s exactly what everyone expected of me: tenderness, gentleness, beauty, the ability to cook and run a house, and I could do anything! Three children, a comfortable apartment, delicious food, everyone is healthy and happy…
And I realized my thoughts that I owe for my parents, for my husband, for children, for business, and there is not a moment when I will be myself …
And I chose this! I chose the path of the Snow Maiden, the path of Cinderella, the path of Vasilisa the Wise…
And who am I? What do I like ? Where is my strength, my joy? What is my background?
Three years have passed and I have chosen:
Become selfish – I choose myself in everything.
To become a rich and greedy person – I choose everything for myself.
Become promiscuous – choose to smile over clothes and be a cat for fun.
Become beautiful / not very – I choose joy.
Not
gender equality
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Every journey begins with the first step. He may be shy, but he is the one who will eventually lead you to the desired result. The CFO of the division at RUSAL, Tatyana Chibinyaeva, offers several steps for women to free themselves from the stereotypes of others (and their own):
1. Focus on success, not physical qualities
Whether you’re thinking about yourself or interacting with co-workers, highlighting accomplishments is usually much more beneficial than focusing on looks.
2. Learn skills based on what interests you
Even today, women are often vilified if they try to learn skills such as car repair or electronics. Whatever skills you want to learn or interests you want to pursue, find the right teacher or course and start learning.
3. Create mentorship programs in non-stereotypical professions
A great way to get support in a difficult work situation is to find a mentor who has been through the same thing as you.
4. Make friends with people of both sexes
Friendship between people of different sexes can be just as satisfying as friendship between women and other women, or between men and other men.
5. Do not accept violence from anyone, regardless of gender.
Violence is never normal, whether it is the man or the woman who initiates the violence. Never accept violence in any form.
6. Call out gender bias
When someone is hurt because of gender bias, be prepared to talk about it. Extra attention can help influence change and reduce other damaging situations.
7. Build self-esteem based on who you are as a person
If you celebrate all the good things about yourself, you’ll most likely find that you go way beyond gender stereotypes.
A specialist in working with the subconscious and the body, Lyubov Trofimova also offers an algorithm for interacting with society without stereotypes:
Step 1. Determine what is normal for you: behavior, clothing, expression of thoughts and feelings. How do you like to appear, communicate, disregarding public opinion and orders. This is the very first step towards self-identification.
Step 2. Discover the size of personal boundaries: how you can and cannot be with you, what is unacceptable in communications, work and daily life. When we understand what the norm is and its absence, we discuss it with other people, designating them new rules of behavior.
Step 3. Identify the people in the environment who, with good “I know better, I know better” intentions, impose their own opinion and stop communicating with them. It is not uncommon for these people to hide personalities who are very close and dear to us, but the psychological pressure has not yet made anyone happy and carefree.
Step 4. Speak calmly and explain your opinion or point of view. Often, in order to mark your personal limits or get rid of stereotypes, it is necessary to repeat your opinion, your emotions or your feelings several times, in the most neutral way possible. When you don’t get involved in the emotional arm wrestling, it stops being interesting to everyone.
Remember that you are entitled to any life, in accordance only with your ideas of happiness, truth, harmony and much more.
